Bjørn Hidenschö may have written an integration guide for Finnish immigrants – Arbetet

review. Are you “lovable” (pronounced “lajkaböl”)? Or do you have a way to make even your mother turn the door and shake her head?

Psychologist Björn Hedensjo wants to join My people’s people. Find, tricks and exercises that will make you likable Offering a chance at a better life by being more loved. ‘Likability’ (‘lajköbilliti’) is the main purely Swedish concept throughout the book.

But before we go any further, someone might ask: Why can’t you be the best you want to be?

In the introduction, Hedensjö offers a solid answer: famous people get a boost in their careers, have more lasting love relationships, and even get better care when they get sick.

The effect is magical, according to the author and the research he refers to. And while some people seem to be somewhat naturally likable, those of us who aren’t great at getting along with others can use the ideas and exercises in the book to “increase” our likability.

Hedensjö is cheerful and light-hearted

Hedensjö is cheerful and light-hearted, and the first thing I think of when I read descriptions of how famous people behave is that this is exactly how Swedes behave. They smile, ask questions, look me in the eye, sit back, change their voices when they talk, touch my forearm and give me compliments.

This makes me wonder whether the book could be repackaged into an integration guide for Finnish immigrants.

The methods advocated by Hedensjö are recognizable if you are familiar with the trends in pop psychology and self-help. “Fake it til you make it,” let correct behavior come first, because feelings, thoughts, and behaviors influence each other, and behavior is the easiest to correct.

Expose yourself to things that cause you discomfort and avoid escape behaviors. Do mindfulness exercises. Understand that what may be successful in the savannah is not as profitable in the coffee room at work.

Or on the contrary, understand that the unreliability you are showing in your relationships today would have thrown you out of the cave with immediate effect that day.

I’m aching for all these tools we seem to need in late modernity.

Is admiration related to social class?

Is the preference related to access to a particular social class? I think of the English word “courtesy” as, on the one hand, universal politeness, and on the other etymologically linked to court (just like the word “polite”) and knowing how to behave in order to go home there.

Hedensjö’s examples seem to have been chosen for those who want to be able to navigate the career-focused urban middle class: Lift the lid off your takeaway cup to show you’re in no hurry to listen, and skip the long explanation that says: You’re late Because there was no parking place in Hornsgatan.

But there is also a universal idea here: if more people engage in behaviors that make us popular, a better world will also be created.

This dramatically improving the world reflex often looms large in self-help literature, and is at best an expression of an individual’s enthusiasm for his or her own miracle methods. At worst, it is an expression of naked bourgeois naiveté.

The big world with its horrors looms over Hedensjö only in examples of the things that pertain to his personal toolbox.

Refugee boats in the Mediterranean

Observations from refugee boats in the Mediterranean may illustrate this Affect infection. On boats, it is enough for one or two people to keep calm when the storm starts so that the trip is stable, while a few people approaching panic easily pull others out and risk causing the boat to capsize.

I hope someone will pass this vision on to the refugees, because it is definitely the only thing that can be done for them.

But Hidenshaw’s idea of ​​presenting such behaviors that, according to research, resonate with people, as well as how to go about highlighting these winning behaviors, remains enticing. Especially for those of us who know that something goes wrong when we have to take our place in a social context.

I want to go further and admit that this book has been living rent-free in my head ever since I heard the title.

And now I face a new work week with the book in my hand, like Bilbo and the Lord of the Rings, and I think: why not, after all? Why don’t I use it?